


Don't Tell

by chicafrom3



Category: Lost
Genre: Character Study, Codependency, Community: lost_shippage, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Identity Issues, POV Second Person, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, lying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-01
Updated: 2006-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-18 03:39:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicafrom3/pseuds/chicafrom3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She thinks she's different but she's not, and that's what breaks you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Tell

She thinks she's different but she's not, and that's what breaks you.

She's not like Jessica or Anna or Emily or any of their breed, she's right about that. She's not a stupid bitch that you can screw over without feeling guilty about, and take money and sex from her without a second thought.

You don't tell her that.

She thinks she's different than any girl you've ever known, and you don't tell her it's not true.

You don't tell her that she's just like Cassidy, cool and confident in her control, until suddenly you're the one in control and she doesn't know how it happened, she doesn't know that you were controlling the con all along.

You don't tell her that.

Maybe she thinks it's love, and you don't tell her otherwise. Maybe she thinks it's power, and you don't tell her otherwise.

Maybe she thinks she's the one with the power, playing you and the doctor off each other, siding with him when that will earn her power, siding with you when public opinion's turned. You don't tell her that she's not fooling anyone, not the doc and not you and not the spectators placing bets on who she'll sleep with first.

You know she'll sleep with you first. You know she'll end up going home with him.

You know no matter what she does none of you three will ever be happy, that you're shooting yourselves in the foot, and that it's all for nothing.

You don't tell her that.

You dream, and sometimes it's sex and sometimes it's power and sometimes it's her, putting on that little-girl-lost act or that tough-survival-chick act, and sometimes you wake up and the dream stays and confuses you when you look at her flirting with the doctor (and she doesn't know...)

You don't tell her about the dreams.

You don't tell her that the doctor isn't in love with her anymore than she's in love with him, or that you're not in love with her anymore than she's in love with you, and Mamacita and Sunshine giggling about who she loves have got it all wrong. Love doesn't play a part in it, and maybe she knows that and maybe she doesn't, but you don't tell her.

She thinks she's got you figured out, and you don't tell her that she's figured wrong.

Nobody here is what they seem. She's not Red Riding Hood lost her way to Grandma's house, and she's not a badass fugitive who's stopped caring who she's hurt. Maybe she's nobody and maybe she's somebody, and you're not in love with her and she's not in love with you, but your fates are tangled up together and even if you could you're not sure you'd want to untangle them.

Nobody here tells anybody anything, and you're no exception, even if she thinks she knows all there is to know about you.

She doesn't.

She never will.

And you don't tell her.

She comes around with the doctor and thinks she's getting under your skin, and you don't tell her that you feel sorry for him getting tangled in her web, and you don't tell her that you feel sorry for yourself and for her, too, because this is going to destroy all three of you and you can see it coming but you can't stop it.

She doesn't understand.

She still thinks it's a game, one that she's winning.

You don't tell her she's wrong.

It's a tangled arc, all complicated feelings and needs and desires and drives, but it's a predictable one, one as old as time itself...

Girl is drawn to bad boy because he's her type and reinforces her self-image. Maybe he reminds her of the daddy who never really loved her, who knows. Girl is drawn to good boy because he makes her feel special, like she can be a good girl for him. Maybe _he_ reminds her of the daddy she never felt she could measure up to, who knows.

Girl is torn between bad boy and good boy and can't make up her mind who she wants to be (with, nominally, but really she can't make up her mind who she wants to be).

Girl destroys bad boy and good boy and herself in the process.

It's a story as old as time and you can predict every tiny change coming up, but you can't stop it and you can't break the cycle and you can't walk away, because when she smiles and dimples and the freckles come out, she looks like Cassidy, who you almost loved and who you probably broke irreparably.

Funny how you know exactly how badly you're screwing yourself over, and exactly why you're doing it, and yet you can't stop it.

Fairy tales don't have happy endings, it's something you've known since your daddy shot your mama and shot himself and took your life with him to the grave. It's all going to break, collapse, crumble, die, and you and her and the doctor, too, you'll break, collapse, crumble, die with it.

She can pretend that it's all about love, and the doctor can pretend that it's all about power, but you've never put much stock in deceiving yourself.

It's all about identity and destruction.

And you don't tell her.

They all fall down.


End file.
